When You Unwrap A Hershey...

Switching To Wordpress

2009-08-06T18:56:00.000-07:00

This fall comes a time to start afresh.
New life. New atmosphere. New school.
And now a new blog. I know I haven't used this one much to shift but wordpress seems much easier to use....and Alice managed to convince me to switch over. It takes me forever to put up a post (seriously it does).

My new blog is:

www.harshagorti.wordpress.com

I'll be moving all my old posts over though!

Influences & The Future

2009-07-21T23:45:00.000-07:00

It's interesting to think about how much the present can affect our future.
How we react to things now will affect how we react to similar things later.
For example, peer pressure.
If we are able to deal with peer pressure now or if we think about how we want to react and live our lives in particular cases and situations, it'll be a bit easier in the future.
A simpler way of saying that is like what Patrice said:
"It's good to know what you want NOW when you don't have any pressures. That way when you are faced with pressures, you would have already thought things over and you don't really need to think of something on the spot."
That's really very true, especially for college.

I'm really excited and really nervous about college.
I'm excited to have that new found freedom and to meet new people. That free time to do whatever I want. That free time that I didn't have in high school. That freedom to establish myself as a person. That freedom to grow and expand my perspectives. That freedom to start afresh.
But..at the same time...I'm nervous.
I don't want to be influenced into doing things I'm not interested in doing, mainly drugs and alcohol. As much as some of my friends have already drank alcohol and they always say "it's not that bad if you have a bit", I don't want to have a bit. I don't want any. I don't want to be pressured into drinking it.
However, as Patrice said, "college is a time where you will be tested how firmly you stand with your values." If I really do not want to do drugs and alcohol, then I won't.
Regardless of what people think or say, that's how I'm willing to live my life.
If people are against it, so be it. I'll find others who don't mind or who even share the same mindset.

The future is an interesting thing. It depends entirely on the present.
What we feel now, what we do now, what we think now influence how we do those same actions tomorrow or the day after.
The future depends on today and I am thinking about it alot.
However, I haven't forgotten to live in the moment.

So It's Been A While

2009-07-10T00:28:00.000-07:00

It's already July. Time flies.
So let's get started. My life as of late. Same old same old.
Wake up sometime between 12 and 1:30.
Lunch.
Veena.
Work Out.
Basketball.
Shower.
Dinner.
Family Time.
Stay Up Til 2.

Sounds boring and monotonous right?
I don't mind it at all. No marginal diminishing utility here.
One thing though is that I'm really excited for college. Like I mean EXCITED.
I was at my friends house playing The Sims 3 (I haven't played much of The Sims and I can't talk the language like Serena or Alice) but I had fun. It's such a free game. You can do whatever you want.
You are your own conscience. You decide what you want to do.
That might seem like every day life but it's actually not. There's always external influences that determine what you do or how you feel. Sure they'll be there in college but I have much more freedom.

One thing is that a lot of my closest friends are off in places and won't be back til August.
I miss you guys. =( Especially you Neil.

The Month of June

2009-06-16T01:45:00.000-07:00

It's only and already been 15 days into June and it is one of the most turbulent months I've ever been through.
I have my ups and downs and more often, the downs last longer and are stronger than the ups.
Let's recap.

The first 5 days of June were not bad days..but they were not good days either. They were the "I-woke-up-on-the-wrong-side-of-the-bed" days. Nothing bad happened but they were not days I wanted to last.

Then came June 6th. Man that was definitely a huge up. Senior Ball was the best night of my life.
Thanks again to all the people who made that night unforgettable, especially you Annie.

Then came the post-up crash. I had to deal with post-Ball "drama" so to speak. It wasn't really gossip drama. It was just personal drama that no one knew about except the 2 people involved and some of my close friends.

I became so scattered, emotionally and mentally. I was depressed, frustrated, irritated, happy (yeah seriously), and annoyed. I felt so many different emotions that it was hard enough to deal with them and even harder to comprehend the sources and reasons for those emotions. That took up the few days between Senior Ball and Graduation.

Graduation was a really special day. That was another up for me. The feeling of unity that we all shared when we finally got our diplomas. That was special.

Now another down/up combination started Wednesday and kept going til Saturday. I'm going to just list out what I did and then talk about it.
-Wednesday night: Sleepover at family friends house
-Thursday night: Sleepover at Naveen's house
-Friday night: Sleepover at my house
-Saturday afternoon: 6 hours of basketball at Miller from 2-8
-Saturday night: Alex's Grad Party

Now, Alex's grad party was meant to be a sleepover but I was too beat to go.
The ups, as you can see, are that I got to spend time with my friends, playing video games, watching movies, talking, and playing basketball.
The down: I was so tired that when I woke up on Sunday morning, I couldn't move my legs.
Now the weird thing is that it wasn't due to physical exhaustion. It was due to literal paralysis.
Now I've been paralyzed before and I've been physically exhausted before. I know the difference between the 2 feelings very well. This was not because I was tired. This was because....I don't even know.
Paralysis is a feeling that's unexplicable. Kinda like Challenge Day. You can't describe it; you gotta experience it to know what I'm talking about.

Yeah June has had its huge huge UPS but they're always followed by even huger DOWNS.
It is now early Tuesday morning and the 16th day of June. The first half of the month has been more sad than happy because the downs are outweighing the ups.
Let's see how the 2nd half of the month turns out.

Senior Ball

2009-06-07T17:10:00.000-07:00

The best night of my life.
Hands down.

Pre-Ball

Our group met at Neil's house: Neil R., Ashwin S., Brian M, me, Connie Wu, Annie Wu, Connie Ng, and Natasha D.
Such a cool group right?
We just chilled and watched parents record our stupidity.
Then we went to school for our pictures and then hung out and ate food.
It seemed like everyone else was having fun at that point except "us" (not the whole group but you can figure it out).
I felt really bad for being so boring. Sorry!
Then we got on the buses and it was pretty nice there. Annie didn't seem as bored anymore thankfully.
And then, we saw it. That beautiful huge boat next to a rowboat, which was apparently Lynbrook's boat. Says a lot. :P

Senior Ball

The best night ever. I'm repeating myself and I still can't get across how fun it was.
Dinner was all right. The ravioli was decent but kinda bland. Dessert was yummy. I fed Annie some cake! There shall be photo proof as soon as Katherine puts up pictures! >:O
Breaking it down to "Just Dance" was more fun for others than it was for me apparently. HAHA go figure.
Looking out at the bay at night with all the lights on and a full moon shining as we passed under the Golden Gate Bridge was beautiful. Almost as pretty as Annie was.
And you know what I realized? Telling a girl you like her after a long time and having her react positively to it is the greatest feeling in the world. Pure bliss. ^_^
Slower songs were my favorite ones, especially "Love Story". Taylor Swift is amazing.
Then, the night ended but not really. The bus ride back was nice. Annie fell asleep on my shoulder. ^_^

Post-Prom

We went to Donut Wheel and ate donuts. Annie and Connie and I split the donut and the milk I got. Milk never tasted so good. Seriously.
Then we all crashed at Neil's house and watched Alladin on sleeping bags.
I finally fell asleep at like 4 and woke up at 8:30. Then Annie left. That officially ended the best night of my life. I was so happy to have gone through it but I was so sad that she was leaving and that it was over.
I went back home and got into bed at 9. I was so tired. I got out of bed at 2.
However, I didn't sleep during that time. I couldn't.
I couldn't stop thinking about what a great time I had and how happy I was to see her smiling throughout the night. It was such a nice feeling. Sleep would only ruin it.
(Yeah ironic isn't it how the biggest sleep-lover ended up hating sleep for once?)
I got up and I wallowed over things. I wanted to go back and continue that night. I wanted to go back and be with her. I wanted to go back and be happy.
"Only 3 months left" kept running in my head.
Then I realized (thanks to Vyas) that 3 months is a LONG time.
Think about it. If you can make atleast 1 memorable moment a day with someone, think about how many you can possibly make in 3 months with all your friends.
But I want to make memories with that particular someone (thank you Sasha for giving me the push to go for it).
If you honestly have no clue who that is, go seek help.
Check Ebay for an auction on common sense.

That night was amazing.
Thank you to all of the people I had fun with that night: Vyas, Neil, Keaton, Connie, Connie, Ryan, Katherie, Brian, Kunal, Ilya, and especially Annie. You guys are the best :)
Best boat ride ever.
Best moves busted out by me ever.
Best person to go with. Ever.

I'm Done Being A Jerk

2009-05-16T23:35:00.001-07:00

For those of you who are planning on commenting or IMing me or calling me just based on the title, hear me out.

I'm done being a jerk.
It's terrible.
You feel good about it during the heat of the moment.
Afterwards, you feel like junk.

I have been a jerk for a very long time.
You all (those like 2 of you who read my blog haha) might think I am a nice guy, always smiling, always optimistic (I've been nominated for Most Optimistic at Senior Gala o_O), always kind.
I'm not. I am a jerk.
To myself.

It's amazing now that I look back. All the moments where I have sacrificed so much for others. Putting them ahead of myself.
I can't stand it anymore. I am done with being a jerk to myself.
I'm sorry to all of you in the future who I will put behind myself but honestly, I'm done giving up opportunities in my life just so others can be happy. I've given up too much. I've lost too much.
I feel so angry. I'm not entirely sure of who or what I'm angry towards. I think it's mostly myself for being such a NICE GUY to everyone out there....except me.

That phase of my life is over.
This new phase starts:
I will still be nice.
I'll still be smiling.
I'll still be optimistic (regardless of if I get the award or not haha).

I am not saying that I will never sacrifice anything again but I will think before making those choices and give my life a chance instead of pushing it aside and letting it accumulate boring all over it.

SACRIFICE.

Colorgenics

2009-04-27T19:28:00.000-07:00

So while I was reading P's blog, I came across this link in her status for Colorgenics.
It is an interesting site and I never really took those seriously. They were always partially right and partially wrong and when they were partially wrong, they were REALLY way off.

So here are my results:

At this time you are feeling 'uptight' and you are urgently in need of rest and relaxation; but perhaps even more than that you need to overcome that feeling that you have been 'hard done by' and treated with a complete lack of consideration. Maybe you have, but whatever may have been the cause of your inherent anxiety, you regard the situation as intolerable. Your are, however, sufficiently competent to turn that situation around - you have overcome similar problems in the past, and really this one isn't too different.

Everything seems to be going against you at this time. Try as you may you are meeting with considerable resistance at every turn. Nothing is going as you would plan. The situation is difficult and you are trying to persist in your objectives against resistance. It would appear that you are being very secretive about your future plans just in case people around you try to thwart you.

In spite of the fact that you believe that your hopes and ideas are realistic, it is hard for you to accept that your needs and desires are misunderstood by almost everyone within your sphere of influenceand there is no-one to turn to or rely on. Your pent-up emotions and inherent egocentricity make you quick to take offence, but as matters stand you realise that you will have to make the best of things as they are.

There is considerable amount of stress present in your life at this time and this is perhaps due to some considerable mental and physical frustration. There are various physical needs that are necessary for your well-being but whatever the reasons - mostly of your own making - your needs are not being fulfilled. We wonder why? You are under the impression that nobody seems to care for you. This predicament is most uncomfortable and it is because of this that you are experiencing far more stress than you feel you can cope with. You need to find a soul mate - someone who truly understands you and whose standards are as high as your own. As matters stand you would like to break away from the vicious cycle that you find yourself entrapped but this is easier said than done. You refuse to compromise with your opinions and essentially you are unable to resolve the situation because you are continually postponing the making of the necessary decision. You are stubborn but this should be no deterrent experiencing a happy life.

You are completely worn out and you are not in the mood for any further demands on your resources. The situation - such as it is - has rendered you quite helpless, unable to continue the mental battle that you have been pursuing for some considerable time. Enough is enough. All you would like to do now would be to have some time for yourself, to find a peaceful situation where you can recuperate in your own time.

The overall stressed message is dead on. But the parts that say I want more consideration and that I don't think anyone cares for me are as I said, WAY OFF. I do need to find more relaxation time though. And I particularly don't appreciate the part where it called me stubborn (I'm in denial about that). Silly online profile determiners. You can't ever figure out the complexity of my mind. Hell, even I can't.

Another Catch-Up Post

2009-04-01T23:47:00.000-07:00

It's been a while again.
I seem to be doing a lot of catch-up posts lately.
Since I last blogged, life has been interesting for me.
Had birthdays to attend. Parties to go to.
That was fun.
But it was other things that I remember.
For one, the last two days of hanging out were awesome.
Yesterday, Greg and Kunal came over to my house and picked up a giant tv box.
We took the box, which I carried via sunroof, to Greg's house, put it in his van, and drove.
We went to Devina's house, where Greg & I hid in the box in front of her house.
Kunal called Devina and she came outside, when we jumped and scared the heartbeat out of her.
We went on to try that on Alice (who wasn't at home) and Atish (at which point, Greg and Devina ditched Kunal and I).
That was fun. I want to remember that in the future.

One thing I don't want to remember for the future but I probably will is my dad's reaction(s) to this college admissions deal.
He called me a failure and said that I wouldn't come up in life if I kept doing things "my way".
I don't exactly know what that means but I think he means my way of life in general.
My own dad said I'm a failure in the present and that I would continue to be (conditional).
Go figure.

I really haven't found the need to blog lately.
Nothing major has happened in life to me. I am just living it.
And it feels fun. :)

Whole Jumble of Things

2009-03-18T17:45:00.000-07:00

Ok so this is gonna be a fatty post so for those of you who don't have the time or patience, you have been warned.

Colleges.
Seniors be trippin' about'em.
There's so much I wanna say about this topic. Where to start?

It bugs me when people apply to colleges that they know they'll get into just to see if they will get in. They could be taking a spot away from someone whose dream school is that college. And on top of that, they just seem arrogant for doing so. (Serena blogged about this in a MUCH better way than I did because she can actually write well and keep her readers interested. ^_^)
Colleges suck at picking their students. No offense to all of you who got in but I'm saying this based on the fact that some of my friends who DESERVE to be accepted were not and were passed over for someone who doesn't deserve to be accepted. I mean it's like "wtf colleges? way to pick..." Those colleges don't know what they are missing out on. To all of you who have experienced/are experiencing this, I say this truthfully: those colleges are missing out on having some of the most genuine people ever study there.
A lot of my friends are also freakin' out over where they're gonna be next year and their lives next year and in the future. They ask me how I can stay so calm? Well for a number of reasons: (1) I choose not to worry about my future too much because it takes away from living in the present. And whatever we do today will determine our lives tomorrow. (2) I believe in fate and I believe that we all have our own fates and I'm not going to waste away my life by worrying about what that fate is. I'm just gonna wait for it to come. (3) I know that I'll be successful and a good person no matter where I go. You all should feel this too, considering you're all better people than me.

Life

Now for this part, I wrote a poem:

Life was going fine.
Moving slowly along, like a straight line.
Just when I thought my parents had stopped,
Their arguments slowly decreased then dropped.
Life was going fine.
Too fine to be mine.

I was in my heaven
And I knew that hell was yet to come.
I didn't want it to be there
But it was what my life would become.

That's what my life is about: ups and downs.
It's exactly how it sounds:
Smiles followed by frowns.
My hell had started.
I rolled my ankle.
The pain was uncharted.

And when I came home I expected some peace.
To emanate around me
To help the pain decrease.
But all I got was same old, same old:
Parents arguing again
All their troubles start to unfold.

And now here,
At the desk where I write my rhymes from,
I put the headphones in
To escape this reality, so harsh and glum.
My hell has come sadly enough.
I knew it would.
But that didn't stop it from being so rough.
I would stop it if I could.
My heaven has passed.
My hell is here.
Sometimes I wish, I could live life on Earth,
With a path of no tears.

Birthday!
Today is the birthday of one of my dearest friends: Serena!
Happy Birthday Serena! :)

I'm Sick Of It

2009-03-02T00:09:00.000-08:00

I'm sick of it.
I'm sick of having to deal with it.
I'm sick of having to ignore it.
I'm sick of it.

I am talking about my parents arguing. My parents have been arguing a lot lately and over the stupidest things.
And when I say lately, I mean for around 6 months now. It's such a pain to deal with.
They argue and then they go to different parts of the house and just stay in irritated moods and I often ask them for something nicely and their anger, which hasn't been vented, gets directed towards me or my little brother but mostly me because I don't want him to take the heat so if he ever needs something I ask for him.

I am so tired of it.
If my dad leaves, my mom tells me her side of the story.
If my mom leaves, my dad tells me his side of the story.
And honestly, they are both being so stupid that logic cannot be applied here.

Them aside, think of the impact it has on me.
They're my parents.
They're my parents.
They're my parents and I have their genes. If they're showing that they argue like this, that worries me. I don't want to be like them. I don't want to be as aggressive or bickering as my parents are.
My little brother is already becoming like them so I don't know what to do.

It feels like I'm the only one in the family trying to hold us all together.
It's such a burden because it takes time, energy, and mental and emotional stability out of me to try and suppress this and try to make the situation better (which never happens).

I never wanted to give up on my family before but lately, they have been getting too overboard.
You know a lot of my friends want to go to college badly and I didn't because I wanted to spend time with them.
I never really found a reason to want to go to college.
I do now.
My parents. As much as I love them, I'm getting annoyed by them just as much.

It seems as though the majority of my happiness these days comes from listening to music, my friends (whether it be hanging out, talking, or chatting), and basketball.
My parents are losing their value to me. And those of you who are probably going "wow that's a bit radical", think about this.
Parents are supposed to be role models or at least people who guide you through life and show you how to lead a happy and/or successful one.
My parents just argue over stupid things. They don't do their job.
So, if they just cause me emotional and mental chaos, how can I honestly have the same amount of love for them as before?

And thus I end this rant with a thank you to my friends.
I love you guys for who you are, what you do for me, and for giving me the happiness that my parents have been unable to give me as of late.
Thank you. <3

On a different topic, here are two songs that I really like:

One Voice - The Bilz & Kashif
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PX7ktZF6U4Q

Turn The Music Up - The Bilz & Kashif
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4TgmN65xvI

Why Am I So Nice/Sweet?

2009-02-26T20:59:00.000-08:00

I was thinking while I was coming back home after school.
My friends always call me "nice" and/or "sweet". They just think that I'm a nice guy.
I never really thought about it until today but....why am I a nice guy? For what purpose?
I thought about this for a while and I came up with something.
I'm not nice so that I can ask for favors later. I sure as hell don't do that.
I came to the conclusion that I am nice/sweet for multiple reasons:

-I enjoy showing people respect, care, courtesy, love, and/or kindness.
It's more of the whole "Give respect, take respect" thing except that I never
expect anything back from the person, which makes me happy if they do return it.

-Past experiences in my life have taught me that negative emotions are like
trees: once they take root, they're hard to remove. I don't want my friends or family to have to experience that so I show them kindness and optimism in the hopes that those seeds take root in them instead.

-I show people that I care. I don't want any one of my friends to have to feel negatively by themselves. I want to show them that they can confide in me and that there is someone who has their back (and their heart too).

This was an interesting post for me. It might be boring for whoever is reading it.
I never thought about my kindness before. I just....showed it.

Sometimes, your actions need to be justified by a cause or a source. I never looked for or thought about that source until today.
Now that I've found it, my actions will only be more whole-hearted (not that they weren't before!...but now they'll have so much more meaning not only to you guys but to me as well).

An interesting coincidence I noticed is that when I am healthy/normal, I think about things that have to do with others a lot and well myself too but only because I'm related.
Today, I'm sick and I'm thinking about myself. It feels to think about myself so much. I haven't done it in a while...

Your Issues Cause Issues

2009-02-25T23:54:00.000-08:00

I haven't blogged in a while.
I'm not one of those people to blog about everything that happens to them. I usually blog for emotional relief or for time capsule purposes.

This blog however is for neither.

My life has been just amazing as of late. I've been spending time with friends, relaxing, playing basketball, having fun, and coming late to school on late start Wednesdays even though I have no 2nd period. I haven't had any issues to deal with. I love my life. I love my friends. I love my family.

However, not everyone has been feeling my feelings lately.
A lot of my friends (you know who you are because I sent you the link to this particular post) have been having some issues. And you know, that's been bringing me down because I care about my friends and if they're not doing too great, then I start to worry and I start to not do so great. I want to help them as much as I can. If that means, bringing them chocolate to school, talking to them online, giving them presents, never talking to them again, or even jumping out of a plane without a parachute (which actually sounds fun except for the KER-PLAT of my body at the end), I'm willing to do anything and everything.

So, to my friends who have had issues:

Keep in mind. You don't need to go through them alone. You have friends who you can talk to. Some might be able to relate. Some might not. Some could give good advice. Some could not. However, talking to them will internally help you. It will. Don't bottle your emotions up inside.
And I'm not saying talk to me just so I can find out about your life. Truthfully, I am NOT saying that. As much as I would like to be a bigger part of all your lives, I respect your privacy and I am not one to pry. All I'm saying is TALK. To anyone. Just talk. And if you decide that person to be me, I'm deeply honored and ready to go to any lengths to help you feel better and get out of your situation.

<3

SNL, Girls, & Worrying Friends

2009-01-26T22:36:00.000-08:00

SNL.
One of the best memories not only of high school but of my life so far.
Just the unity and the fun we all had to make the show a success was amazing.
I have a fan club because of my Bagdana portrayal and my weekend update guest speaking.
I loved it. The late afterschool rehersals. The show. The dress ups. The make up. The afterparties at In N' Out. It was all amazing and unforgettable. Thank you to all the people who helped make that one of the most special events in my life. <3

Girls
I haven't been thinking about them much. Just decided not to trip over that whole area.
Just gonna live my life and let that happen on the side.

Worrying Friends
I worry for my friends. So when your status has sad words, I can tell/know something's up. And when I IM you asking "what's going on?" and you tell me that "you're fine" and "to stop worrying", I know something's wrong. And that specific person knows exactly who he/she is. And no matter how many times you tell me not to worry, I will. Because that's what friends do. They care.

Stealing To Become A Better Person

2009-01-17T00:04:00.000-08:00

I steal.
I don't steal objects. I don't steal items. I don't steal material possessions.
I steal characteristics, unique qualities, and/or good aspects of people.
I always strive to become a better person. I've always strived to do so but I've never took the initiative to achieve that goal.
Since junior year, I've really been motivated to become a better person. So, I started noting things about people that I don't normally notice: their patience, their emotions to small things, their facial reactions, etc. etc. Not that I didn't notice before but now I'm analyzing what those things mean.
I try and find a good aspect or quality in everyone and if I don't have that quality (which I usually don't) I try and see how I can integrate that quality into my daily life.
However, if that quality seems to contrast with my personality or who I am, I won't "add" it to my persona but I will keep in the back of my personality bank, in case I ever need it.
I steal to become a better person. So, to all of you who I have stolen characteristics from, I apologize for doing so without your consent :P haha JK.
I really don't think you care about that but I must thank you all for being so exceptionally unique and for helping me become a better person. I've already become a better person because I'm surrounded by friends like you guys.
I steal.

Nice Guys Finish Last...But They Shouldn't

2009-01-08T20:40:00.000-08:00

My friend and I were talking and he really was down. He was sad about the fact that he's a nice guy and that girls appreciate that but never enough to like him back. I totally related to his issue. I still do.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZrnK-qPARYI&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qMGeWGvDHTA&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5lJL2peXik&feature=related

Those links are for a youtube series called "Just A Nice Guy".
They really sum the issues nice guys have really well.

"Might as well just go back to the way things were. She was a good friend and I'd rather have that than risk losing her for some stupid feelings I have for her."

"It was at this point when I felt what every nice guy fears the most: the time when you have to face the reality that the girl you like is interested in someone else and that she looked right past you. The girl you suppressed your feelings for just to preserve the friendship is now most likely going to go out with some new guy, a guy that doesn't know her as well as you do and probably won't treat her as well either."

"This is where most stories end with most guys because since they're so nice, they don't want to interfere, they don't want to put any emotional burden on their friend or cause any drama and so they watch her leave. I just tell myself that it wasn't meant to be. Why? Because I'm a nice guy."

Some quotes from there.
Forget about me for a sec. It still bugs me that nice guys like my friend don't get into relationships. They are nice, friendly, and they know the girl well. And they treat her well and they know how to treat her well. Yet, things don't always work out. At the end of that video series, I got a bit of hope from it. So did my friend.

"Guess some nice guys can finish first. It's just about finding the right girl and getting a little lucky."

We didn't get a lot of hope from it though. That quote really shows you how big this world is and how improbable it is for each nice guy to find that specific girl. I mean, I could search my whole life and never find her. I might have found her already. My friend could search and he might find her on his first try. The broadness of that statement really kinda dimmed our spirits (his more than mine because I'm used to this feeling). We could go our whole lives without finding the right person and experiencing true love. At that point, I noted something: most people for their life goals want to become a doctor or an astronaut or they want to own a store or live like a hermit or something usually physical. My life "goal" is to keep looking for that right girl and to make sure that if and when I find her, I'll sweep her off her feet. :)

One Year Gone and One More to Come

2009-01-01T02:12:00.000-08:00

2009.
The new year.
The year Class of '09 graduates.
2008.
The old year.
The BEST year of my life so far.
Possibly the best year of my life ever?

This past year has seemed so short when I was going through it but now when I look back, I realize how long it is really was.

Junior Year: Jan 2008 - Jun 2008

To think, this time last year I was a junior stressing and studying my ass off. I had fun 2nd semester junior year. Most people hated it because of all the work. I loved junior year, especially 2nd semester. More late night chats and study sessions with friends where we got no work done but experience many fun moments. Confessing to Tara after 2 and a half years was also fun haha. I don't regret doing it because it's allowed me to get to know her even better and for that, I am very thankful that I did confess. Thanks Tara :) The AP Tests happened this year. I loved those. The unity in the room between all the people when we took the AP Tests was just amazing and comforting, especially in APUSH. When we finished, we were ecstatic. Keaton & I hugged and we didn't let go. Then by that time a lot of kids were done with their classes and so we had a lot of fun.

My Junior Year schedule (for myself when I look back in the future):

1. Spanish 3 - Guadiamos
2. Physics H - Birdsong
3. APUSH - Platt
4. AP Chemistry - Gupta
5. American Literature Honors - McMillion
6. AP BC Calculus - DeRuiter

Summer: Jun 2008 - August 2008

This was actually an interesting experience. My mom and brother were in India the whole summer. So, it was just me and my dad. I spent June and half of July doing an internship at a biotech lab in Mt. View called Dx. Sys. Inc. That was interesting. My boss liked my work so much that he actually gave me 2 gift cards: a $50 one to Barnes & Noble and a $50 for iTunes. I used the first one right away on SAT books -___- and I still haven't used the 2nd one because I don't buy my music :D. I met some great people there and had fun moments. The 2nd half of July and August was just constant hanging out with friends. My dad went to work every day so he really didn't care where I went during the day as long as I came back home before he did. That was fun. Hanging out with people. Good times that I would give anything to relive.
Throughout summer, I was working out M-Th (on top of my 9-6 internship) and playing basketball Fri-Sun. It was awesome.

Senior Year: September 2008 - December 2008

Without a doubt, this one semester has been better than the other years of high school combined. My last birthday at MV was actually less celebrated than the other years but whatever. I'll still give gifts to everyone on their birthdays. My classes were all so fun. Except maybe spanish :P
BUT! The best part of this year came in this part.
Challenge Day
The best day of my life. EVER. No questions asked. I opened up my deepest feelings and secrets to people I didn't even know and I felt so fucking good. (sorry for those of you who don't enjoy swearing but honestly I'm on such an adrenaline rush right now that I want/need to swear to calm down) I told all 150 people about my deepest darkest incident. People who knew me as an optimistic, immature, annoying kid were shocked. I saw people cry. I saw people look at me, waiting for me to shout out "APRIL FOOL!". I told them about it. I opened up. Those people then started to see me as an optimistic, mature, and amazing person. Some of them called me their "hero". On top of that, I told the world the pains I went through to heal and that I wouldn't even be alive (physically and emotionally) if it wasn't for Keaton Chiu & Adrienne Young. Thank you so much you guys. I love you <3
Homecoming
Another part of this year that I have loved. The unity of our class that week was amazing. All the seniors realized that this was our last year and that we needed to show our pride and spirit and love for this school now or never. We came out to lunch time games and played. We came to floatbuilding and worked. Then came the rally. We lost it. The sadness the senior class felt was unmatched. We were all so down, even those seniors that acted "too cool" for school spirit. From that sadness came passion and desire: to win Homecoming. That day we all flocked to Cupertino High afterschool and worked on the float. Then, during the game, when the announcement was made that we had won, the seniors jumped and holla-ed and the air was filled with "OH! AH! YOU WISH YOU WERE A SENIOR!". That night, I felt the unity and pride in our class. I felt the uniqueness of our class. That night I realized that Class of '09 has such amazingness and potential to change the world that no other class will or can ever match it. After the Homecoming game on Friday was the Homecoming Dance on Saturday. I have to admit: it was my first HC dance ever and my best. The dance itself was all right I must say. It was after the dance that I had fun. My best friend & I each confessed to our respective crushes that we liked them. I confessed to Serena. I don't regret it. (P.S. Don't bug her about it. I'm only typing her name here sort of like a time capsule when I look back in the future, not to let the world know. I don't care if it knows. Please don't bug her about it. Or me for that matter.)
Then October ended with Halloween as always.
November came by and seniors started to get really busy with college apps, especially for UC's. The early applicants were done with their stuff for the most part. I didn't cram. I didn't do Early Decision. I was too lazy. I didn't stress or cram the UC App. I relaxed. I bet no one will remember in the future but I was not stressed AT ALL for college apps at all. November Break came by and what usually was a break spent on relaxing and starting the finals studying was spent doing college apps by the majority of my senior class. My Thanksgiving break went a little something like this:
-Wake Up at 2
-Eat lunch
-Play bball
-Shower
-Eat dinner
-Work on UC app til 10ish
-Chat with Keaton til 4 AM every night (being hopeless romantics :P)
-Repeat
That was honestly so fun. Keaton & I have the best chats ever. No questions asked. No competition.
December came by and finals happened. Seniors cheered on the last day. "WE'RE SECOND SEMESTER SENIORS....EXCEPT FOR COLLEGE APPS."
December break was just relaxing and having fun with friends. We threw a surprise birthday party for Keaton, which was the highlight of the break for him and us. I got him a Rage Against The Machine T-shirt (tied with Audioslave & Linkin Park for best band EVER!)
Now, it is January 1st 2009.
I am going to graduate in 6 months.
I am making a pact though. In those 6 months, I promise to create as many memories as I can and put as many smiles on my friends' faces as I can and I promise to have as much fun putting those smiles on my friends' faces as they will getting those smiles.
I am going to fulfill the promise. I promise to fulfill this promise. (haha oh boy I see an infinite loop coming).

My Senior Year schedule (for myself when I look back in the future):

1. AP Physics - Birdsong
3. TA - Gupta
4. Spanish 4 Honors - Guadiamos
5. AP English - Javier
6. AP Economics/AP Government - Pelkey

That's a year gone. I want it back but I can't have it back. I am given a new year intstead. I'm going to use it to its fullest.

I shall close the first post of the new year with this:

To everyone who I have met, known, spent time with, talked, chatted, or even sat together in silence, THANK YOU!

I owe you all so much for all the smiles you've put on my face, all the times you've been there for me, and all the memories you've had with me. I could try my hardest to give you back all the love and support and good times you've given me but I could never give it back. Even if I had a hundred lifetimes or even if there were one hundred Harsha's, we still couldn't repay you.
Thanks for it all.

2008 is gone. 2009. Bring on the memories.

Feelings Alloted to Time?

2008-12-24T23:04:00.001-08:00

You know every year during November and December, so many people show their compassion.
On Thanksgiving, they show their thanks for what they have.
On Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa, they show their love and compassion towards others.
I love the atmosphere during this time of year: compassionate, grateful, and very kind.
After that, spring comes along and it's the season of love.
You can "feel" the love in the air and if you can't...well then.
I love that atmosphere too: loving, caring, and romantic.

However, the only part about these times of year I don't like is the fact that many of us only use these times to show off our compassion, our care, and our love.
I just wish people would show their thanks everyday, not just around Thanksgiving.
I just wish people would show their compassion everyday, not just around Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa.
I just wish people would use winter, summer, and fall as seasons of love along with spring.

I have very weird thought bursts when I am bored.
o_O

Second Semester Senior!

2008-12-18T21:54:00.001-08:00

It's finally over. I'm a second semester senior. :D
Ok time for college apps haha.
you know afterschool I felt great to be a second semester senior but now I don't feel that great anymore.
I enjoyed my years at MV. I don't want to leave but at the same time I do.
My past is my past. I'll just live my present and wait for the future.
To all of you seniors, Congrats on a tough 3 and a half years. I wish you all the best of times in the upcoming semester.

Have a Very Merry Christmas!
If you want to hang out, just call me: 408-425-9713
I promise you a good time :)

Respect the Blog & Respect the Blogger

2008-12-16T22:26:00.001-08:00

I find it amazing how people read blogs all the time but they never really respect the blog or the blogger. Sure they sometimes relate or they comment but do any of them actually take the time to go above and beyond and stop and just think about the idea behind the blog?
I honestly feel that blogs are respected but only on the surface level.
People don't realize that blogs aren't meant for the outside world; they're meant for the blogger as a way of release and as a way to empty out the mind in a form other than paper and pen (because the possibility of losing the paper/diary is just a stain on your head and constantly bugs you).
Sometimes when people read blogs, they judge the person. They judge the person's feelings. They judge the person's thoughts. Worst of all, they judge the person.
Blogs aren't there for people to read and just comment and judge; they are emotional and psychological release tools.

"Doors inside my head
Bolted from within...
Memory of the one
Who lived inside my skin

I can tell you why
People go insane"

Shadow On The Sun - Audioslave

The doors are bolted inside their head for a reason: so others can't get in.
Once people do open those doors, the person feels violated and "[goes] insane" because they are scared about society's reaction to this new information.

Respect the blog & Respect the blogger.
Keep in mind that blogs are meant for the blogger and not for outside critics.
Respect the blog & Respect the blogger.

On a different note, P... No matter what your choice is, I'll stand right by your side, giving you 200% of my support.

Heart Uplifts & Heart Attacks (The Parody to Kanye West's 808's & Heartbreaks)

2008-12-14T00:04:00.000-08:00

Talking to certain people turns my day around.
If I'm in a happy mood, they make me happier.
If I'm in a sad mood, they make me happy.
If I'm in any other mood that I cannot think of right now, they make me happy haha.
There are many of these people in my life like this but this post is dedicated to two of them in particular (because I've been talking to them tonight): Veronica & Patrice.
They uplift my heart all the time. HOWEVER, they give me frequent heart attacks. -_-
Thanks for always being there, for being my friends, and for being who you are. The world is a happier place because of you. :)

Moving On & Audioslave Cover Band

2008-12-13T00:02:00.000-08:00

You know lately I've been blogging about love issues and junk.
This week has been one GIANT revelation for me.
I came to realize that sometimes when you like a girl, eventually you like the image of her more than the girl herself. When you come to realize this, you know that it's time to move on.
I am moving on. I'm not sad about it because I know I had to do it eventually. I'm glad it was sooner than later. I'm a bit happy about this because, in a crude sense, I'm "free" now.
I'm not completely over her yet because this isn't something that happens in a few seconds.
It's going to take me a few more days but I am going to get over her soon.

On a different note, I've really been thinking about getting together some people to start a cover band for Audioslave. If anybody wants to join or knows anyone who is available to join, let me know. I plan on doing vocals because...well..I can't play guitar, bass, or drums. haha and on top of that I know all the Audioslave songs and lyrics. So, if you know/are a guitarist, bassist, or a drummer that is interested in joining, let me know. Who knows? We might even play at Diversity Day or something. If any of you plays any of those instruments and has never heard Audioslave before, here are some youtube links for their music (I've taken only their mainstream songs but if you like what you hear, I can send you all their albums):

Revelations - Audioslave

Like A Stone - Audioslave

Be Yourself - Audioslave

Doesn't Remind Me - Audioslave

Enjoy! :D

Connections

2008-12-07T01:38:00.000-08:00

Connections...with people.
You ever have those days where you talk to someone who you just considered a "Friend" or acquantance to say it crudely?
And then, you start talking and time passes by so quickly and you realize that you've wasted so much time by not talking to that person?
You realize how much you and that person have in common and that you may have possibly just made another good friendship and possibly added someone to your list of best friends to whom you can talk about anything to and with whom you can talk to at anytime of any day.
I went through that revelation tonight and I must say I love the feeling it gave me.
And so I have to thank Aprajita for that. Thanks :)

Somedays, Jealousy, & Happiness

2008-12-04T22:14:00.000-08:00

"Somedays, somedays, somedays just ain't so easy....
At the right place but in the wrong life, somedays just ain't so easy....
It's not the fault of anyone as we revolve around the sun"
-> Somedays - Audioslave

That described my day today. I "woke up" with no sleep for 2 straight days. I have had a very sinusoidal week in terms of....well..life. I had two presentations in lit and spanish and an econ project and lots of other shit to do. This week has not been a peaceful one.
However, the smallest things just gave me a major boost in happiness today.
Just seeing my 2 husbands (Keaton Chiu & Brian Nguyen), one of my besties Veronica Kim, my "family" member Connie Ng, and that special someone just took my day from a hole to a peak. There are a few other people like this in my life who just make my day if I just see them but unfortunately I don't see all of them, seeing as some go to Lynbrook and I don't see the MV ones everyday.

That was today during and before school. Afterschool is a different story.
I've been in a really depressed mood lately. Those of you who have read my recent posts, it's winter and I'm feeling cold. What I find interesting is that I'm wearing sweat pants, a sweater, and the heater is on but I'm still cold...inside. That emotional coldness just translates into physical coldness. The source of this coldness is (as usual lately with me) love. The whole "I can't be with her" thing. It's just a phase. As I said, I go through winter and spring repeatedly but today's winter was a lot colder.

Some lyrics:

"I’m in love with you. But the vibe is wrong. And that haunted me. All the way home.....
Gotta keep it going. Keep the lovin’ going. Keep it on a roll. Only God knows. If I’ll be with you. Baby I’m confused. You choose, you choose."
-> Love Lockdown - Kanye West

It's just a phase. Don't worry about me too much guys.

You know, whenever I get into a mood, whether it be happy, sad, mad, or just bored, I think. I think a lot. I love to think. Not about school or basketball or Steve Nash but about life and love. Today, in my depression, I thought. I thought about all the couples at school. A feeling that I haven't experienced very much in my life came up: Jealousy. I was jealous of them.
I was jealous of the guys for finding a girl who loves him back as much as he loves her and vice versa. Time passed while I thought about this. Then, I realized I had no reason to be jealous. I love a girl too. So, she doesn't love me back. Big deal. Just as long as she's happy, I'm totally fine with where I am.
Then! That jealousy I had transformed into jealousy. It went from my jealousy to theirs.
I felt that they should be jealous of me. The guys in relationships had found girls and they love each other. Guys....you might have a girl you love but here's something you ought to know:
-My love for her exceeds your love for your girl.
Girls...you might have a guy you love but here's something you ought to know:
-You girls can be beautiful, nice, charming, and/or funny but the girl I love is all of those things and more.
Jealousy turned into pride. Pride turned into happiness.
It's spring once again.
"Somedays just ain't so easy."
But doesn't mean that you can't gain from them or even enjoy them. I did both today.

Post a memory of me as a comment for this entry

2008-12-04T15:50:00.001-08:00

Copied this from Serena Lee:

"Post a memory of me as a comment for this entry.
it can be anything you want.
maybe your first, maybe your favorite.
& post this to your journal and see what people remember of you."

Poem! <3

2008-11-30T21:48:00.000-08:00

There's the notion that spring is the season of love.
For our world, this notion has fit like a glove.
Yet I don't agree
Love cannot be bound to this degree
Love is like the spring
Beautiful like a diamond ring
Love is like the summer
So far from being a bummer
Love is like the fall
Soothing and calming to nearly all
Love is like the winter
Cold and hurtful like an icy splinter
Love does not belong to one season
But to them all
Not a single season but all together
Love can thrive in all and any weather

<3

Love

2008-11-29T01:23:00.001-08:00

I've been blogging a lot less lately. I don't know why.
I just am.

They say spring is the season of love. I disagree though.
Love is meant for any and all seasons.
It is all the seasons at the same time but also different.
It can be beautiful and happy like the spring.
It can be hot like the summer. :P
It can be peaceful and calming like the fall.
It can also be cold and lonesome like the winter.

Falling/Being in love is much like making a stew. It's never always the same every time. Sometimes, everything works out. Sometimes, everything doesn't. However, even when it doesn't, you still have the ingredients to make it better.

I can happily and unhappily say that it's been spring and winter for me lately.
Not just me but a few friends of mine as well.
The stew has been made. It's a bittersweet taste. There's a quote that can describe how I feel every day:

"Do you know what it's like, getting up every morning, feeling hopeless, feeling like the love of your life is waking up with the wrong man but at the same time hoping that she still finds happiness even if its never going to be with you?" - Albert Brenniman, Hitch
That's the position I'm in as of right now, except she isn't with a man nor is she sleeping with anyone.
It's not her fault at all. It was just bad timing on my part. But, hey! I don't mind where I am at all. I have my happy moments and I have my sad moments.

An interesting thing about love is that it makes you bipolar. It makes you feel so very happy one second, by making you think about the person. Then, it makes you sad and it derives that sadness from the happiness, by making you think about the fact that you are not with that person. Sometimes, the happiness overpowers the sadness. Sometimes, it's the other way around.

I like it. The bipolarity shows me alot of encouraging things:
-When I'm happy, it's because of her. She is the candle for when the lights are out.
-When I'm sad, it's because of the fact that I can't be with her. This makes me proud though. It shows to me how much I love her. It's just unbelievable.

The bipolarity is like a never-ending circle:
Happy --> Sad --> Happy --> Sad.....

If you look at it mathematically (you can't blame me :P), that should add up to zero.
However, it doesn't. There's a transition in between Sad --> Happy.
Happy --> Sad --> Proud --> Happy --> Sad --> Proud....
That adds up to alot more happiness than it does sadness.
For that, I don't care if I'm not with her...well I do but...it doesn't hurt as much.

Love is a complicated thing. It is a complicated thing.
A few things to sum this all up:

"In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing."
~ Mignon McLaughlin

"I don't know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every other part of my body is broken too." ~ Missy Altijd

"In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along." ~ Billy Joel

"Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated." ~ Lamartine

Kanye West - Heartless

By the way, the lyrics of that song do not describe her at all. She is not heartless. She has a heart of gold. Her heart contains more love than anyone else on this planet. The song is just nice and the overall mood it sets kind of fits you know?

alsfkjasdf

2008-11-21T23:05:00.000-08:00

Today was fun for the most part until now.
I watched dodge ball at lunch. That was cool.
Afterschool, I went to a friend's bday party and played football, basketball, Halo, and watched Role Models.
You know, Role Models was hilarious but one part that really irked me was the fact that the words "gay", "retarded", and "homo" were used multiple times. I don't have a problem with swearing but don't use those words to describe something you don't like. You're insulting people out there when you say that. Now, movies are doing it so the badness just got mass spread.
Since then, I got into this random depression for a # of reasons:

1) I wish I was in journalism. I found out about the app last year on the day it was due. Fate didn't want me to do it but I want to. Everytime I see the paper or chat with people at Journo late nights, it makes me sad to realize that I couldn't do it and it was my fault for not finding out about the app earlier. That makes it worse.
2) Society's usage of "gay", "retarded", "homo" to describe things in derogatory forms.
3) Love (to put it in strong terms)

*sigh*
Back into a gloom. we'll see how things go from here.

Me...a Guitarist?

2008-11-18T23:24:00.000-08:00

Since my last post, I've just been listening to alot of music lately, even more so than usual.
I haven't blogged because I was too connected to the music to even leave it for even a bit.
As I listen to music, especially Rage Against The Machine and Audioslave, I really really want a guitar and I want to be able to play those songs. That got me thinking about the image of myself playing a guitar.....it was kind of awkward.

Discrimination

2008-11-10T22:01:00.000-08:00

It's amazing how cruel our society is.
Just astounding.
I played basketball today. Twice.
I played at Kennedy with some friends and then I left at 5:30.
However, I wanted to play more. So, I went and played again.
The second time around, there were these guys who were playing and they asked me if I wanted to play. Me, being as competitive as I am, naturally said yes.
I was wearing a knee brace today because my knee is swollen and I shouldn't even be playing (please refer to mention of competitive spirit above).
So, those guys start to make teams and the first Captain says "ok I'll pick the crip" (referring to me). First off, if you were a knee brace, you're equivalent to a physically handicapped person? Second off, that's insulting to physically handicapped people.
So, I was insulted because he insulted me and the physically handicapped members of society. I refused to be on his team.
THEN, we played.
I played my heart out, not to prove that I wasn't a crip, not to get my revenge on the guy, not because of my competitive spirit. I played for the physically handicapped today.
My team won the game. Now, after every game, I show my sportsmanship and go up to each and every player and high five them and say "Good game". I did the same here, even to "the guy".
Many of you might be going "wtf? you honestly did that even after he was such a douche?"
Yes. I did. And I'm proud of it. Just because he discrimantes doesn't mean I will too.
After I got home, I went online and donated $100 from my bank account (I got one over summer when I did my job) to NOD (National Organization on Disability).
I could not feel better about myself after that.
Even as I type these closing words, I still have this "I-changed-the-world" sort of feeling eminating throughout me.
Discrimation is just too incorporated in our society.
I advise all of you to avoid doing it as much as you can.

Things Are Staring To Turn Around :)

2008-11-07T23:35:00.000-08:00

My week sucked. It was horrible.
Today rocked. It was awesome.
My life hasn't been going too greatly this week until today that is.
Today was awesome.
Things Are Staring To Turn Around :)
special thanks to Patrice, Serena, Natasha, and Tara for helping out with that =)
and another thanks to Greg, Alex, Nikhil, and Kunal for having a nice time going out to lunch today

Friendship...To the people to whom it concerns only

2008-11-04T14:46:00.001-08:00

Disclaimer for everyone: This post is only meant for a select group of people (not to discriminate but I'm doing this for them and you know or will know who you are)

Disclaimer for the people to whom this post regards: Not all of the stuff I am about to say applies to you. There could only be certain parts but I'm trying to help everyone at once.
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A lot of my friends lately have been irksome over a certain hot topic:
Friendship

You guys have been having some internal belief issues. You have your friends and then you have your true friends. You hang out with your friends and you have good times with them. That's about it with them. If you want to vent your feelings or thoughts, you call upon your true friends. They will stick with you through the storm.

Some of you have realized that your friends won't stick with you through the storm and lately they have been revealing some of their real natures that you weren't accustomed to. You don't like these new natures. You don't want friends who will be there for you only when it's of convenience to them. You want friends who will be there for you through thick and thin.

"And when you wanted me
I came to you
And when you wanted someone else
I withdrew
And when you asked for light
I set myself on fire
And if I go far away I know
You'll find another slave"

What You Are - Audioslave

Those are some song lyrics that I found that could possibly relate to your problem.
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Others of you are tired of having to suppress yourselves for your friends because they aren't used to your real nature. You can only show your real face in front of your true friends. You are tired of laughing with your friends on the outside when inside you really don't want to laugh at all. You are tired of having to be someone else just to be with people who supposedly like you and like you for who you are (two different things).

"And even when you've paid enough, been pulled apart or been held up
With every single memory of the good or bad faces of luck
don't lose any sleep tonight
I'm sure everything will end up alright
You may win or lose
But to be yourself is all that you can do
To be yourself is all that you can do"

Be Yourself - Audioslave

Those are some song lyrics I found that could possibly relate to your problem.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now ALL of you might not have the same details of the problem in common but your problems are the same: You want to keep your friends even though you realize they are as much of your friends as the next person. You want to let go but you're having trouble doing so. You want to save yourself from the sorrow, tears, issues, and lies that you are feeding yourself and society.
You want to....but you can't.

There are two ways to approach this problem:

Continue spending time with your friends and continue venting with your true friends. If you ignored your friends, would they honestly still accept you? They might not. With your true friends, that's not the case. They will accept you at anytime.
Slowly start spending more of your time with your true friends. They are always willing to be with you. They will love you for who you are and not who they want you to be. I'm not saying stop spending time with your friends though. I'm just saying start easing away from them. And DO NOT expect this transition to be quick. It will take a bit of time but it will be worth it in the end.

If any of you ever needs a true friend or are looking for one, I'm always here for you. Always....

Venting

2008-11-02T10:58:00.000-08:00

I help people vent their feelings and their thoughts.
I've been doing it even before Challenge Day.
Now, after Challenge Day, I've continued to do the same.
However, I get this feeling of fulfillment when I do it now.
It's just amazing..yet I wonder why I didn't get this feeling before Challenge Day.

Challenge Day

2008-10-30T21:09:00.000-07:00

There is so much to say but I don't know where or even how to start.
This day has been indescribable for me.
It taught me that the phrase:
"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
is a load of shit.
Sticks and stones hitting my skin will hurt but those wounds will heal.
The emotional damage done by words can't be healed with medicine or even love.
Those scars are forever.
It was amazing and comforting to realize how much we have in common with everyone else,
especially those we didn't expect to have much in common with.
So many people told us about experiences that you would never expect from them.
Everybody has this preset image of everyone else and that creates an air of disbelief when a new image is inserted.
People who nobody expected to have such events happen to them came forth and said "these such events happened to me", myself included.
Today was the BEST day of my life, no competition, no questions asked.
I expanded my comfort zone, my water level is lower, and I'm feeling great.
But, I have to give all my love and affection to all the people at Challenge Day today:
I love you guys so much.
Out of those people there, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for 2 very special people:
Keaton Chiu + Adrienne Young
When I say I would not be here, I don't just mean emotionally or on this blog.
I mean physically on this Earth. Those two kept me going and tethered me to a life I didn't want to lead. Now, I love my life and I enjoy leading it.
Keaton and Adrienne....I love you guys.
You've done so much for me. I could say thanks for the rest of my life and I still wouldn't be able to show enough thanks. You two are the most amazing people I have ever and probably will ever meet.
I love you guys with every bit of life in my body.

To the rest of you,
Thank you all for being great friends and being there for me.
If any of you ever need anyone to talk to or to just hang out with or to just be there for you,
I'm always there for you, online, phone, or in person.
mvpnash13@gmail.com
harsha.gorti@gmail.com
408-425-9713
I'm always there for you.

Mad Love to you all!
<3

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."
-quote given to me by Natasha Desai <3

Friendship

2008-10-28T14:03:00.000-07:00

Everyone is your friend right now.
But how many of them will remain so in a year or so?
Exactly how many will you try to keep in touch with and/or vice versa?
This is an interesting topic that's been brought up alot lately in some conversations I've had with some of my dear friends, who I shall try to make sure remain so.
So now that's what my senior year is for:
-Strengthening most if not all of my friendships so that I make keep many of them when we all go our own separate ways.

Homecoming Week!

2008-10-25T17:37:00.001-07:00

It's been a week almost since I've done this
But danng what a week its been
Monday-Thursday I was so busy and and I was excited for Friday and Saturday!
But before that could happen, Thursday had to happen.
Thursday sucked. I can honestly say that was the worst day of senior year.
I hated it.
Then Friday morning came along.
I woke up and the anticipation built as the day progressed.
The 1st period Physics AP test was really easy and I thought that was a good sign for the day.
Then 2nd and 3rd period were devoted to the rally set-up. It was so fun, with everybody there
setting up and having a blast.
The rally came by. The rally games didn't go too well for us.
Then the results.......
who would have guessed that we'd tie with the sophomores.
Cheering ensued for the juniors.
Tears and broken hearts filled up the senior area afterwards.
The rest of day was gloomy for the seniors. Juniors laughed and smiled.
Underclassmen didn't give a crap.
We ( the seniors)_ made up our minds: we were gonna make our float the best one ever!
Once 3 o'clock hit, we all flooded to Cupertino High.
Everybody was so determined to get the float ready.
I could feel the determination in the air. We all worked so hard and passionately.
The HC Court came and they looked amazing.
I was so proud of those guys for all they've done and yet I was so happy to know such amazing people. I teared up (mostly for Keaton haha).
Then the game started and blah blah blah.
By the 2nd quarter, nobody cared about the game anymore. We knew we would win. We were all waiting for those results.
Halftime
The floats went around. Our float looked amazing. Dance and Band performed. The HC Court came out in T-Birds! that was so awesome!
They all looked amazing. Brian Miller and Vrinda Gupta were King and Queen. :)
Then during the 3rd quarter, Mueller announced the results.
4th place....Freshman ( no surprises there )
3rd place....Sophomores ( no surprises there either )
2nd place....................
juniors..
Then nothing else could be heard except the joy filled screams of The Class of '09.
"OH AH YOU WISH YOU WERE A SENIOR" x infinity and beyond
We all went back to the floats and it was the best moment of our lives. Our class couldn't have been happier.
I can't even describe it so I won't try :)

Yesterday was multifaceted emotionally.
Anticipation. Sadness. Anger. Determination. The happiest joy in our lives.
I along with my senior class felt all this. I wouldn't trade that for any thing else.
I loved HC. I love my friends. I love Class of '09. I love MVHS.
And at this moment, I love my life.

Society Creates Pansies

2008-10-19T22:43:00.000-07:00

Society is horrible.
Not because of its economic structure.
Not because of its high expectations.
Not because of its conformist movements.

Society creates fear within people.
And the fear I'm talking about isn't directed towards monsters or the unknown or anything like that.
The fear I am talking about is the fear to express love.
I have talked to so many people about relationships and crushes.
Yes, I know its ironic coming from a guy who's never been in a relationship but good and helpful advice isn't derived from experience.

There are two major cases I've observed:
Case #1:
Jane likes John. John acts really flirty with Jane. Jane doesn't know if John likes her or not and is too scared to ask.
I've seen this case so many times. It annoys me just as much the 5th time as it did the 1st time hearing about it. Like seriously, Jane. Ask John if he likes you! Now, when I say that, your reaction is probably "wtf? that could kill their friendship"
Think about it. If he says yes, then bam! A relationship. If he says no, the friendship is still there. The only thing is that people today make it awkward and kill that existent friendship. If he says no, then don't make it awkward Jane.
Case #2:
John likes Jane. He won't tell her because he's scared that their friendship will break. John...get over it. Tell her. Here are the possible outcomes of telling her:
-A relationship (one Extreme)
-A better friendship than before
-Nothing changes (middle)
-Nothing changes but both of them make it awkward so that everything changes and that the friendship dies. (other Extreme)

I know alot of you will be like "ok Harsha...you keep thinking that." and you are disagreeing with me. But, next time you fall into one of these situations, try my advice for yourself. You'll like the results.

"It's only as awkward as you make it to be."

Feeling Vents

2008-10-17T23:30:00.000-07:00

You ever have those days where you're really emotional?
Like not like Indian movie status emotional
But i mean you feel angry or sad or depressed in a big way

I have had so many of those, especially one that was....monumental
(for those of you who know, please keep it to yourselves)
Those days suck and those emotions suck even more.

My only advice for you when you have those sort of days:

Don't keep your emotions bottled up.

I am saying this through experience: it will eat away at you if you keep your emotions bottled up. talk to people. if you can't find somebody to talk to, I'm always here. Just call my cell and I'll talk with you til the night goes to sleep. I can't begin to explain how much of a relief to talk and let that weight off of your heart and your mind.
I was talking a dear friend of mine who is 5'6'' and shall remain anonymous.
She told me that she keeps her emotions bottled up and vents them through blogging and emails.
I don't say that's bad. Truth to be told that's good because I'm glad she's venting.
But guys. That'll only help you so much. Talk to somebody! Thats where the relief really is.

That was my rant for the day.
Thanks. You are a great audience. Gnite!

Senior Portraits!!

2008-10-16T21:06:00.000-07:00

Hey guys!
My senior portraits are up on facebook:
Vote for one and comment on the wall:
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=1394802&id=522321371

If you are anti-social (aka don't have a FB)
Here's the picture:

If Life Gives You Lemons, Wait for the Day to End and You'll Have Some Lemonade

2008-10-14T21:39:00.000-07:00

I had a weird day today. Not weird in a bad way but weird in a good way.
I woke up feeling very tired and not into it. I'm sure many of you can relate to that.
I just wanted the day to end so I could come home and sleep til 10 AM (no 2nd :P)
But, Birdsong and Javier wouldn't let me. So, I dragged my lazy butt off to school.
I half-heartedly passed time today, just waiting for my freedom to come at 12:45.
I came home and I ate and watched some Tom & Jerry (it's a classic so you have no right to hate on me for this).
I started some work, went to veena, and came back.
As I type these words, I still want my day to end.
But, the unusual thing about my day is that it was a very successful one.
I finished a lot of work; I played amazingly at veena today with 2 weeks worth of not practicing at all.
I woke up wanting the day to end.
I will go to sleep, glad that the day has ended.
But, in between, a lot of good things have happened.
They are making me want to stay awake and keep that "good streak" going.

-----------------------------
I feel like I've had a Revelation...

(song : title) = Revelations - Audioslave

Nothingness..

2008-10-12T15:21:00.000-07:00

Talk about a change of pace.
Last week I was feeling so down.
This week I'm not feeling anything.
But it's a good kinda feeling.
Idk why I'm feeling nothing though and it's bugging me!
I want to know why!
Maybe it's because of The Stranger in AP Lit

Pokemon!

2008-10-07T16:41:00.000-07:00

So today I came home at 12:45 (no 7th! :D)
and I decided to be true to senioritis and not start my work.
So, I turned on the tv and I was flipping through the channels
and guess what I saw?
POKEMON SEASON 1 EPISODE 1!
the original show and theme song
for those of you who want to hear it, just click on theme song
dang that brought back memories!
Lunches with friends talking about last night's episode and playing the Gameboy games
good times...

Laziness is a Virtue

2008-10-06T22:05:00.001-07:00

Wow I accomplished nothing today.
I have so much work this week but I didn't even bother starting.
I have 2 tests and 2 essays this week along with college apps.
well being the lazy boy I am, I came home and slept til 7 then took my senior portraits
(i didn't go before) and I ate dinner and watched Heroes.
Yay for not working
But I must say. This new season of Heroes isn't as good as the previous ones.
BUT DAAAMN that mexi girl that Mohinder tapped is HOT!