This fall comes a time to start afresh.
New life. New atmosphere. New school.
And now a new blog. I know I haven't used this one much to shift but wordpress seems much easier to use....and Alice managed to convince me to switch over. It takes me forever to put up a post (seriously it does).

My new blog is:

www.harshagorti.wordpress.com

I'll be moving all my old posts over though!

It's interesting to think about how much the present can affect our future.
How we react to things now will affect how we react to similar things later.
For example, peer pressure.
If we are able to deal with peer pressure now or if we think about how we want to react and live our lives in particular cases and situations, it'll be a bit easier in the future.
A simpler way of saying that is like what Patrice said:
"It's good to know what you want NOW when you don't have any pressures. That way when you are faced with pressures, you would have already thought things over and you don't really need to think of something on the spot."
That's really very true, especially for college.

I'm really excited and really nervous about college.
I'm excited to have that new found freedom and to meet new people. That free time to do whatever I want. That free time that I didn't have in high school. That freedom to establish myself as a person. That freedom to grow and expand my perspectives. That freedom to start afresh.
But..at the same time...I'm nervous.
I don't want to be influenced into doing things I'm not interested in doing, mainly drugs and alcohol. As much as some of my friends have already drank alcohol and they always say "it's not that bad if you have a bit", I don't want to have a bit. I don't want any. I don't want to be pressured into drinking it.
However, as Patrice said, "college is a time where you will be tested how firmly you stand with your values." If I really do not want to do drugs and alcohol, then I won't.
Regardless of what people think or say, that's how I'm willing to live my life.
If people are against it, so be it. I'll find others who don't mind or who even share the same mindset.

The future is an interesting thing. It depends entirely on the present.
What we feel now, what we do now, what we think now influence how we do those same actions tomorrow or the day after.
The future depends on today and I am thinking about it alot.
However, I haven't forgotten to live in the moment.

It's already July. Time flies.
So let's get started. My life as of late. Same old same old.
Wake up sometime between 12 and 1:30.
Lunch.
Veena.
Work Out.
Basketball.
Shower.
Dinner.
Family Time.
Stay Up Til 2.

Sounds boring and monotonous right?
I don't mind it at all. No marginal diminishing utility here.
One thing though is that I'm really excited for college. Like I mean EXCITED.
I was at my friends house playing The Sims 3 (I haven't played much of The Sims and I can't talk the language like Serena or Alice) but I had fun. It's such a free game. You can do whatever you want.
You are your own conscience. You decide what you want to do.
That might seem like every day life but it's actually not. There's always external influences that determine what you do or how you feel. Sure they'll be there in college but I have much more freedom.

One thing is that a lot of my closest friends are off in places and won't be back til August.
I miss you guys. =( Especially you Neil.

It's only and already been 15 days into June and it is one of the most turbulent months I've ever been through.
I have my ups and downs and more often, the downs last longer and are stronger than the ups.
Let's recap.

The first 5 days of June were not bad days..but they were not good days either. They were the "I-woke-up-on-the-wrong-side-of-the-bed" days. Nothing bad happened but they were not days I wanted to last.

Then came June 6th. Man that was definitely a huge up. Senior Ball was the best night of my life.
Thanks again to all the people who made that night unforgettable, especially you Annie.

Then came the post-up crash. I had to deal with post-Ball "drama" so to speak. It wasn't really gossip drama. It was just personal drama that no one knew about except the 2 people involved and some of my close friends.

I became so scattered, emotionally and mentally. I was depressed, frustrated, irritated, happy (yeah seriously), and annoyed. I felt so many different emotions that it was hard enough to deal with them and even harder to comprehend the sources and reasons for those emotions. That took up the few days between Senior Ball and Graduation.

Graduation was a really special day. That was another up for me. The feeling of unity that we all shared when we finally got our diplomas. That was special.

Now another down/up combination started Wednesday and kept going til Saturday. I'm going to just list out what I did and then talk about it.
-Wednesday night: Sleepover at family friends house
-Thursday night: Sleepover at Naveen's house
-Friday night: Sleepover at my house
-Saturday afternoon: 6 hours of basketball at Miller from 2-8
-Saturday night: Alex's Grad Party

Now, Alex's grad party was meant to be a sleepover but I was too beat to go.
The ups, as you can see, are that I got to spend time with my friends, playing video games, watching movies, talking, and playing basketball.
The down: I was so tired that when I woke up on Sunday morning, I couldn't move my legs.
Now the weird thing is that it wasn't due to physical exhaustion. It was due to literal paralysis.
Now I've been paralyzed before and I've been physically exhausted before. I know the difference between the 2 feelings very well. This was not because I was tired. This was because....I don't even know.
Paralysis is a feeling that's unexplicable. Kinda like Challenge Day. You can't describe it; you gotta experience it to know what I'm talking about.

Yeah June has had its huge huge UPS but they're always followed by even huger DOWNS.
It is now early Tuesday morning and the 16th day of June. The first half of the month has been more sad than happy because the downs are outweighing the ups.
Let's see how the 2nd half of the month turns out.

The best night of my life.
Hands down.

Pre-Ball

Our group met at Neil's house: Neil R., Ashwin S., Brian M, me, Connie Wu, Annie Wu, Connie Ng, and Natasha D.
Such a cool group right?
We just chilled and watched parents record our stupidity.
Then we went to school for our pictures and then hung out and ate food.
It seemed like everyone else was having fun at that point except "us" (not the whole group but you can figure it out).
I felt really bad for being so boring. Sorry!
Then we got on the buses and it was pretty nice there. Annie didn't seem as bored anymore thankfully.
And then, we saw it. That beautiful huge boat next to a rowboat, which was apparently Lynbrook's boat. Says a lot. :P

Senior Ball

The best night ever. I'm repeating myself and I still can't get across how fun it was.
Dinner was all right. The ravioli was decent but kinda bland. Dessert was yummy. I fed Annie some cake! There shall be photo proof as soon as Katherine puts up pictures! >:O
Breaking it down to "Just Dance" was more fun for others than it was for me apparently. HAHA go figure.
Looking out at the bay at night with all the lights on and a full moon shining as we passed under the Golden Gate Bridge was beautiful. Almost as pretty as Annie was.
And you know what I realized? Telling a girl you like her after a long time and having her react positively to it is the greatest feeling in the world. Pure bliss. ^_^
Slower songs were my favorite ones, especially "Love Story". Taylor Swift is amazing.
Then, the night ended but not really. The bus ride back was nice. Annie fell asleep on my shoulder. ^_^

Post-Prom

We went to Donut Wheel and ate donuts. Annie and Connie and I split the donut and the milk I got. Milk never tasted so good. Seriously.
Then we all crashed at Neil's house and watched Alladin on sleeping bags.
I finally fell asleep at like 4 and woke up at 8:30. Then Annie left. That officially ended the best night of my life. I was so happy to have gone through it but I was so sad that she was leaving and that it was over.
I went back home and got into bed at 9. I was so tired. I got out of bed at 2.
However, I didn't sleep during that time. I couldn't.
I couldn't stop thinking about what a great time I had and how happy I was to see her smiling throughout the night. It was such a nice feeling. Sleep would only ruin it.
(Yeah ironic isn't it how the biggest sleep-lover ended up hating sleep for once?)
I got up and I wallowed over things. I wanted to go back and continue that night. I wanted to go back and be with her. I wanted to go back and be happy.
"Only 3 months left" kept running in my head.
Then I realized (thanks to Vyas) that 3 months is a LONG time.
Think about it. If you can make atleast 1 memorable moment a day with someone, think about how many you can possibly make in 3 months with all your friends.
But I want to make memories with that particular someone (thank you Sasha for giving me the push to go for it).
If you honestly have no clue who that is, go seek help.
Check Ebay for an auction on common sense.

That night was amazing.
Thank you to all of the people I had fun with that night: Vyas, Neil, Keaton, Connie, Connie, Ryan, Katherie, Brian, Kunal, Ilya, and especially Annie. You guys are the best :)
Best boat ride ever.
Best moves busted out by me ever.
Best person to go with. Ever.

For those of you who are planning on commenting or IMing me or calling me just based on the title, hear me out.

I'm done being a jerk.
It's terrible.
You feel good about it during the heat of the moment.
Afterwards, you feel like junk.

I have been a jerk for a very long time.
You all (those like 2 of you who read my blog haha) might think I am a nice guy, always smiling, always optimistic (I've been nominated for Most Optimistic at Senior Gala o_O), always kind.
I'm not. I am a jerk.
To myself.

It's amazing now that I look back. All the moments where I have sacrificed so much for others. Putting them ahead of myself.
I can't stand it anymore. I am done with being a jerk to myself.
I'm sorry to all of you in the future who I will put behind myself but honestly, I'm done giving up opportunities in my life just so others can be happy. I've given up too much. I've lost too much.
I feel so angry. I'm not entirely sure of who or what I'm angry towards. I think it's mostly myself for being such a NICE GUY to everyone out there....except me.

That phase of my life is over.
This new phase starts:
I will still be nice.
I'll still be smiling.
I'll still be optimistic (regardless of if I get the award or not haha).

I am not saying that I will never sacrifice anything again but I will think before making those choices and give my life a chance instead of pushing it aside and letting it accumulate boring all over it.

So while I was reading P's blog, I came across this link in her status for Colorgenics.
It is an interesting site and I never really took those seriously. They were always partially right and partially wrong and when they were partially wrong, they were REALLY way off.

So here are my results:

At this time you are feeling 'uptight' and you are urgently in need of rest and relaxation; but perhaps even more than that you need to overcome that feeling that you have been 'hard done by' and treated with a complete lack of consideration. Maybe you have, but whatever may have been the cause of your inherent anxiety, you regard the situation as intolerable. Your are, however, sufficiently competent to turn that situation around - you have overcome similar problems in the past, and really this one isn't too different.

Everything seems to be going against you at this time. Try as you may you are meeting with considerable resistance at every turn. Nothing is going as you would plan. The situation is difficult and you are trying to persist in your objectives against resistance. It would appear that you are being very secretive about your future plans just in case people around you try to thwart you.

In spite of the fact that you believe that your hopes and ideas are realistic, it is hard for you to accept that your needs and desires are misunderstood by almost everyone within your sphere of influenceand there is no-one to turn to or rely on. Your pent-up emotions and inherent egocentricity make you quick to take offence, but as matters stand you realise that you will have to make the best of things as they are.

There is considerable amount of stress present in your life at this time and this is perhaps due to some considerable mental and physical frustration. There are various physical needs that are necessary for your well-being but whatever the reasons - mostly of your own making - your needs are not being fulfilled. We wonder why? You are under the impression that nobody seems to care for you. This predicament is most uncomfortable and it is because of this that you are experiencing far more stress than you feel you can cope with. You need to find a soul mate - someone who truly understands you and whose standards are as high as your own. As matters stand you would like to break away from the vicious cycle that you find yourself entrapped but this is easier said than done. You refuse to compromise with your opinions and essentially you are unable to resolve the situation because you are continually postponing the making of the necessary decision. You are stubborn but this should be no deterrent experiencing a happy life.

You are completely worn out and you are not in the mood for any further demands on your resources. The situation - such as it is - has rendered you quite helpless, unable to continue the mental battle that you have been pursuing for some considerable time. Enough is enough. All you would like to do now would be to have some time for yourself, to find a peaceful situation where you can recuperate in your own time.

The overall stressed message is dead on. But the parts that say I want more consideration and that I don't think anyone cares for me are as I said, WAY OFF. I do need to find more relaxation time though. And I particularly don't appreciate the part where it called me stubborn (I'm in denial about that). Silly online profile determiners. You can't ever figure out the complexity of my mind. Hell, even I can't.