It's been a while again.
I seem to be doing a lot of catch-up posts lately.
Since I last blogged, life has been interesting for me.
Had birthdays to attend. Parties to go to.
That was fun.
But it was other things that I remember.
For one, the last two days of hanging out were awesome.
Yesterday, Greg and Kunal came over to my house and picked up a giant tv box.
We took the box, which I carried via sunroof, to Greg's house, put it in his van, and drove.
We went to Devina's house, where Greg & I hid in the box in front of her house.
Kunal called Devina and she came outside, when we jumped and scared the heartbeat out of her.
We went on to try that on Alice (who wasn't at home) and Atish (at which point, Greg and Devina ditched Kunal and I).
That was fun. I want to remember that in the future.

One thing I don't want to remember for the future but I probably will is my dad's reaction(s) to this college admissions deal.
He called me a failure and said that I wouldn't come up in life if I kept doing things "my way".
I don't exactly know what that means but I think he means my way of life in general.
My own dad said I'm a failure in the present and that I would continue to be (conditional).
Go figure.

I really haven't found the need to blog lately.
Nothing major has happened in life to me. I am just living it.
And it feels fun. :)

Ok so this is gonna be a fatty post so for those of you who don't have the time or patience, you have been warned.


Colleges.
Seniors be trippin' about'em.
There's so much I wanna say about this topic. Where to start?

• It bugs me when people apply to colleges that they know they'll get into just to see if they will get in. They could be taking a spot away from someone whose dream school is that college. And on top of that, they just seem arrogant for doing so. (Serena blogged about this in a MUCH better way than I did because she can actually write well and keep her readers interested. ^_^)
• Colleges suck at picking their students. No offense to all of you who got in but I'm saying this based on the fact that some of my friends who DESERVE to be accepted were not and were passed over for someone who doesn't deserve to be accepted. I mean it's like "wtf colleges? way to pick..." Those colleges don't know what they are missing out on. To all of you who have experienced/are experiencing this, I say this truthfully: those colleges are missing out on having some of the most genuine people ever study there.
• A lot of my friends are also freakin' out over where they're gonna be next year and their lives next year and in the future. They ask me how I can stay so calm? Well for a number of reasons: (1) I choose not to worry about my future too much because it takes away from living in the present. And whatever we do today will determine our lives tomorrow. (2) I believe in fate and I believe that we all have our own fates and I'm not going to waste away my life by worrying about what that fate is. I'm just gonna wait for it to come. (3) I know that I'll be successful and a good person no matter where I go. You all should feel this too, considering you're all better people than me.
  

Life

Now for this part, I wrote a poem:

Life was going fine.
Moving slowly along, like a straight line.
Just when I thought my parents had stopped,
Their arguments slowly decreased then dropped.
Life was going fine.
Too fine to be mine.

I was in my heaven
And I knew that hell was yet to come.
I didn't want it to be there
But it was what my life would become.

That's what my life is about: ups and downs.
It's exactly how it sounds:
Smiles followed by frowns.
My hell had started.
I rolled my ankle.
The pain was uncharted.

And when I came home I expected some peace.
To emanate around me
To help the pain decrease.
But all I got was same old, same old:
Parents arguing again
All their troubles start to unfold.

And now here,
At the desk where I write my rhymes from,
I put the headphones in
To escape this reality, so harsh and glum.
My hell has come sadly enough.
I knew it would.
But that didn't stop it from being so rough.
I would stop it if I could.
My heaven has passed.
My hell is here.
Sometimes I wish, I could live life on Earth,
With a path of no tears.



Birthday!
Today is the birthday of one of my dearest friends: Serena!
Happy Birthday Serena! :)

I'm sick of it.
I'm sick of having to deal with it.
I'm sick of having to ignore it.
I'm sick of it.

I am talking about my parents arguing. My parents have been arguing a lot lately and over the stupidest things.
And when I say lately, I mean for around 6 months now. It's such a pain to deal with.
They argue and then they go to different parts of the house and just stay in irritated moods and I often ask them for something nicely and their anger, which hasn't been vented, gets directed towards me or my little brother but mostly me because I don't want him to take the heat so if he ever needs something I ask for him.

I am so tired of it.
If my dad leaves, my mom tells me her side of the story.
If my mom leaves, my dad tells me his side of the story.
And honestly, they are both being so stupid that logic cannot be applied here.

Them aside, think of the impact it has on me.
They're my parents.
They're my parents.
They're my parents and I have their genes. If they're showing that they argue like this, that worries me. I don't want to be like them. I don't want to be as aggressive or bickering as my parents are.
My little brother is already becoming like them so I don't know what to do.

It feels like I'm the only one in the family trying to hold us all together.
It's such a burden because it takes time, energy, and mental and emotional stability out of me to try and suppress this and try to make the situation better (which never happens).

I never wanted to give up on my family before but lately, they have been getting too overboard.
You know a lot of my friends want to go to college badly and I didn't because I wanted to spend time with them.
I never really found a reason to want to go to college.
I do now.
My parents. As much as I love them, I'm getting annoyed by them just as much.

It seems as though the majority of my happiness these days comes from listening to music, my friends (whether it be hanging out, talking, or chatting), and basketball.
My parents are losing their value to me. And those of you who are probably going "wow that's a bit radical", think about this.
Parents are supposed to be role models or at least people who guide you through life and show you how to lead a happy and/or successful one.
My parents just argue over stupid things. They don't do their job.
So, if they just cause me emotional and mental chaos, how can I honestly have the same amount of love for them as before?

And thus I end this rant with a thank you to my friends.
I love you guys for who you are, what you do for me, and for giving me the happiness that my parents have been unable to give me as of late.
Thank you. <3


On a different topic, here are two songs that I really like:

One Voice - The Bilz & Kashif
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PX7ktZF6U4Q

Turn The Music Up - The Bilz & Kashif
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4TgmN65xvI

I was thinking while I was coming back home after school.
My friends always call me "nice" and/or "sweet". They just think that I'm a nice guy.
I never really thought about it until today but....why am I a nice guy? For what purpose?
I thought about this for a while and I came up with something.
I'm not nice so that I can ask for favors later. I sure as hell don't do that.
I came to the conclusion that I am nice/sweet for multiple reasons:

-I enjoy showing people respect, care, courtesy, love, and/or kindness.
It's more of the whole "Give respect, take respect" thing except that I never
expect anything back from the person, which makes me happy if they do return it.

-Past experiences in my life have taught me that negative emotions are like
trees: once they take root, they're hard to remove. I don't want my friends or family to have to experience that so I show them kindness and optimism in the hopes that those seeds take root in them instead.

-I show people that I care. I don't want any one of my friends to have to feel negatively by themselves. I want to show them that they can confide in me and that there is someone who has their back (and their heart too).

This was an interesting post for me. It might be boring for whoever is reading it.
I never thought about my kindness before. I just....showed it.

Sometimes, your actions need to be justified by a cause or a source. I never looked for or thought about that source until today.
Now that I've found it, my actions will only be more whole-hearted (not that they weren't before!...but now they'll have so much more meaning not only to you guys but to me as well).

An interesting coincidence I noticed is that when I am healthy/normal, I think about things that have to do with others a lot and well myself too but only because I'm related.
Today, I'm sick and I'm thinking about myself. It feels to think about myself so much. I haven't done it in a while...

I haven't blogged in a while.
I'm not one of those people to blog about everything that happens to them. I usually blog for emotional relief or for time capsule purposes.

This blog however is for neither.

My life has been just amazing as of late. I've been spending time with friends, relaxing, playing basketball, having fun, and coming late to school on late start Wednesdays even though I have no 2nd period. I haven't had any issues to deal with. I love my life. I love my friends. I love my family.

However, not everyone has been feeling my feelings lately.
A lot of my friends (you know who you are because I sent you the link to this particular post) have been having some issues. And you know, that's been bringing me down because I care about my friends and if they're not doing too great, then I start to worry and I start to not do so great. I want to help them as much as I can. If that means, bringing them chocolate to school, talking to them online, giving them presents, never talking to them again, or even jumping out of a plane without a parachute (which actually sounds fun except for the KER-PLAT of my body at the end), I'm willing to do anything and everything.

So, to my friends who have had issues:

Keep in mind. You don't need to go through them alone. You have friends who you can talk to. Some might be able to relate. Some might not. Some could give good advice. Some could not. However, talking to them will internally help you. It will. Don't bottle your emotions up inside.
And I'm not saying talk to me just so I can find out about your life. Truthfully, I am NOT saying that. As much as I would like to be a bigger part of all your lives, I respect your privacy and I am not one to pry. All I'm saying is TALK. To anyone. Just talk. And if you decide that person to be me, I'm deeply honored and ready to go to any lengths to help you feel better and get out of your situation.

<3

SNL.
One of the best memories not only of high school but of my life so far.
Just the unity and the fun we all had to make the show a success was amazing.
I have a fan club because of my Bagdana portrayal and my weekend update guest speaking.
I loved it. The late afterschool rehersals. The show. The dress ups. The make up. The afterparties at In N' Out. It was all amazing and unforgettable. Thank you to all the people who helped make that one of the most special events in my life. <3

Girls
I haven't been thinking about them much. Just decided not to trip over that whole area.
Just gonna live my life and let that happen on the side.

Worrying Friends
I worry for my friends. So when your status has sad words, I can tell/know something's up. And when I IM you asking "what's going on?" and you tell me that "you're fine" and "to stop worrying", I know something's wrong. And that specific person knows exactly who he/she is. And no matter how many times you tell me not to worry, I will. Because that's what friends do. They care.

I steal.
I don't steal objects. I don't steal items. I don't steal material possessions.
I steal characteristics, unique qualities, and/or good aspects of people.
I always strive to become a better person. I've always strived to do so but I've never took the initiative to achieve that goal.
Since junior year, I've really been motivated to become a better person. So, I started noting things about people that I don't normally notice: their patience, their emotions to small things, their facial reactions, etc. etc. Not that I didn't notice before but now I'm analyzing what those things mean.
I try and find a good aspect or quality in everyone and if I don't have that quality (which I usually don't) I try and see how I can integrate that quality into my daily life.
However, if that quality seems to contrast with my personality or who I am, I won't "add" it to my persona but I will keep in the back of my personality bank, in case I ever need it.
I steal to become a better person. So, to all of you who I have stolen characteristics from, I apologize for doing so without your consent :P haha JK.
I really don't think you care about that but I must thank you all for being so exceptionally unique and for helping me become a better person. I've already become a better person because I'm surrounded by friends like you guys.
I steal.