"Somedays, somedays, somedays just ain't so easy....
At the right place but in the wrong life, somedays just ain't so easy....
It's not the fault of anyone as we revolve around the sun"
-> Somedays - Audioslave

That described my day today. I "woke up" with no sleep for 2 straight days. I have had a very sinusoidal week in terms of....well..life. I had two presentations in lit and spanish and an econ project and lots of other shit to do. This week has not been a peaceful one.
However, the smallest things just gave me a major boost in happiness today.
Just seeing my 2 husbands (Keaton Chiu & Brian Nguyen), one of my besties Veronica Kim, my "family" member Connie Ng, and that special someone just took my day from a hole to a peak. There are a few other people like this in my life who just make my day if I just see them but unfortunately I don't see all of them, seeing as some go to Lynbrook and I don't see the MV ones everyday.

That was today during and before school. Afterschool is a different story.
I've been in a really depressed mood lately. Those of you who have read my recent posts, it's winter and I'm feeling cold. What I find interesting is that I'm wearing sweat pants, a sweater, and the heater is on but I'm still cold...inside. That emotional coldness just translates into physical coldness. The source of this coldness is (as usual lately with me) love. The whole "I can't be with her" thing. It's just a phase. As I said, I go through winter and spring repeatedly but today's winter was a lot colder.

Some lyrics:

"I’m in love with you. But the vibe is wrong. And that haunted me. All the way home.....
Gotta keep it going. Keep the lovin’ going. Keep it on a roll. Only God knows. If I’ll be with you. Baby I’m confused. You choose, you choose."
-> Love Lockdown - Kanye West

It's just a phase. Don't worry about me too much guys.

You know, whenever I get into a mood, whether it be happy, sad, mad, or just bored, I think. I think a lot. I love to think. Not about school or basketball or Steve Nash but about life and love. Today, in my depression, I thought. I thought about all the couples at school. A feeling that I haven't experienced very much in my life came up: Jealousy. I was jealous of them.
I was jealous of the guys for finding a girl who loves him back as much as he loves her and vice versa. Time passed while I thought about this. Then, I realized I had no reason to be jealous. I love a girl too. So, she doesn't love me back. Big deal. Just as long as she's happy, I'm totally fine with where I am.
Then! That jealousy I had transformed into jealousy. It went from my jealousy to theirs.
I felt that they should be jealous of me. The guys in relationships had found girls and they love each other. Guys....you might have a girl you love but here's something you ought to know:
-My love for her exceeds your love for your girl.
Girls...you might have a guy you love but here's something you ought to know:
-You girls can be beautiful, nice, charming, and/or funny but the girl I love is all of those things and more.
Jealousy turned into pride. Pride turned into happiness.
It's spring once again.
"Somedays just ain't so easy."
But doesn't mean that you can't gain from them or even enjoy them. I did both today.